What do you mean, "Spring"?
Spring for most of the english speaking followers out there is the time of year when everything starts again.
The trivial stuff like trees, birds and light all come back an inch at a time, gracefully met by people with a smile and an apparent wish to shed all the heavy winter clothes.
But for Swedes, the word spring means "run". As in "get the hell out of here". Now the parallell here might seem strange, but I'm bound to heed the call from the different languages, mainly because it signifies a change of pace and surroundings.
The brighter days and the faster motion in which I now seem to live my life, points a finger at the fact that I've been standing still without realizing it. And not in the sense that I've been in one place for a long time physically, ('cause lord knows I've covered the main streets and alleys more than a few times), but more in a mental way.
Stuck in a rut, some might say, but I'd say it's more of a communicational form of dry spell. I've been trying to write some new stuff, both for Motherpearl and myself, but all I can come up with is some lame, generic whispers instead of the more precise and powerful words I used to scream from the top of my lungs. Almost like a preacher who loses his faith in the words he's used to proclaim every sunday service.
So I tried the usual stuff. Getting sober (which was the best idea I've spawned in a long time!), getting drunk again, (which only helped for a few hours, and the I felt even worse), forcing myself to write, (which only made me angry because the pen seemed to distort my thoughts onto the paper), and a lot of very shady ways of finding creativity in general.
And then it hit me. Last night on stage at Cheers I finally found a way to get past the wall...
You see, I usually tend to make things more complicated than I have to. That might be one reason why I use a more versatile vocabulary in the blog. I love to find new ways to express myself. But you see, that's the problem. In the desperate search to find the new and exciting ways of saying the simple things, I forgot to speak.
Just before I kicked the first set into motion, I looked at the crowd and realized that I have been so preoccupied with everything else, that I'd forgotten the basics of a song, a voice and a guitar.
So last night I let go and let myself get lost in the music for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime ago. And I never want to find my way back. I'll stay lost for the rest of my life if I have to.
There were some who came up to me after the gig and asked what the hell I was doing in a bar on a friday night instead of some big venue with screaming fans and all the trinkets.
Well, it seems I've been running in circles backstage. But I think i've found my way now. But this time I'm not running. I'm letting my mind catch up with me as I'll slow dance onto the stage.
See you all in the spotlight.
Big things are coming.
Ps. Happy valentine's day!